so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
