My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
