1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
