I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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