I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
