Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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