Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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