Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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