The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am spending my child support on dildos
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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