I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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