they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
