Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
