so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
