So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My bed smells like the plague
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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