I think scott just propositioned me for sex
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
