Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
How external is "for external use only"?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
