if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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