I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
