I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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