I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
