he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
