Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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