Pants 0. Shit 1.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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