found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
