i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
