this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
