I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
