it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
