both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
