Betty ford says i'm here all night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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