My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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