If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I believe in your delicious
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
