I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I could fuck to npr.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
