why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
