there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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