just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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