just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
