i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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