You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
