Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
