The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
