Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
