you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
