Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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