The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
