I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
