Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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