I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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