So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
