it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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