is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
