I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
