im having a threesome with these popsicles
she smelled like a LAN party
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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