you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
