My room smells like vodka and shame
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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