The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
