you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
