Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
