I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
