I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
