youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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