stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
