Me too!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
