We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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