I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
