wat bout pragnant strippers??
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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