Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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