Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
