I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
