if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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