he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
