So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
