y did u give ur computer a hand job?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
