Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
