You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
