so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
