Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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