well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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