Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
