look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish you could order shots online.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
